thinking about amy

I was thinking about questions that I can't answer.
I was thinking about friends who go through stuff that I can't figure out...
so naturally I was thinking about my sister, Amy, too.
I have so many, many unanswered questions. So many nagging "what ifs?" that can swirl up into a whirlwind in my mind in mere seconds.

And all I know is what IS.

Honestly, what could have been isn't worth dwelling on.

I may be starting to understand that. To understand that what happened HAPPENED. That it is over.

That answers don't bring peace.

All I know is that what is, IS.
Amy is gone. Everything is different now. It just is. I can't change it, I can't pretend it didn't happen. Sometimes I get really angry thinking about how much has changed. But I hope that that will pass eventually.

I hope I really can understand how to accept what is irreversible and find peace there.